Update On My Wish/Want/Will Exercise

The Power of Writing. It. Down.

Every year I pull out my trusty Wish/Want/Will coaching exercise. If you’re not familiar with it, it looks like this:

There are commitments and requests we make to ourself and the Universe (Wish List), the plans we put into place to work toward achieving those wishes (Want List), and the sacrifices we are willing to make to ensure our success (Will List). While, traditionally, I make my list of wishes just before the New Year, anytime is a great time to gain clarity and direction.

At its core, the Wish/Want/Will exercise is about getting in touch with what we want to accomplish versus what we say we want to accomplish. So, it benefits from being really specific.

It’s also about acknowledging incremental progress on the way to our respective destinations. That’s something that we all fail to do more often than not. Giving myself credit for keeping my promises to myself, even when the effort isn’t the best, is still credit.

I was thinking about my Wish/Want/Will list for 2025 this morning because I happened upon a notebook that I used for my Wish/Want/Will list for 2019. That was the year just before the COVID shutdown, and my list included a lot of travel. I was delighted when I realized I could check off five different trips that I’ve since taken, along with a whole bunch of experiences and accomplishments.

It was a lovely morning of acknowledging blessings, progress, and experiences I cherish.

This brings me to this year’s Wish/Want/Will exercise. I’ve got two Wills-- things I am willing to sacrifice for.

The first was a late addition because I discovered that I’ve been slacking in my walking due to a long winter. Now, I am walking a minimum of three miles daily come hell or high water. If the weather refuses to cooperate and the gym is closed, I will do a long, light kettlebell set. No excuses. (Note the present tense: I. Am. Walking.)

What’s interesting about this is that it’s a goal about creating a habit and not about achieving an outcome. I don’t have to walk faster. I don’t have to lose weight while walking. I just have to walk. And that’s because I know that, over time, walking manages my stress. I can’t see cortisol leaving my system. But it definitely makes a difference in my ability to cope with life’s little frustrations without losing my cool or worse yet, eating my feelings.

I invited you all to join me with the StepUp app partly to walk my talk (Get it?) for longevity benefit and partly to keep myself accountable. (One of our Madrina Molly members takes her dog for long walks all the time. She absolutely cleans my clock on steps. Extra motivation!)

The second Will has been on the Want list for two years, and now it has finally moved to the Will list: my book. At this point, I’d say I’m halfway through the manuscript. It’s certainly a fight when I have completely legitimate business distractions get in the way of writing. But I’m muddling through. And I’m sacrificing weekends and evenings for writing … and writing … and writing some more. If I say so myself, I like where it’s going. And I certainly hope it helps a lot of people.

As usual, there’s lots of stuff on the Wishlist for 2025, some of which I’ve already checked off. After years of “wanting a great haircut,” I am on my fifth or sixth barber cut, and I’m delighted not to have a hair challenge any longer! Whoo-hoo!

And there’s other stuff that may end up being pushed to 2026 because, as John Lennon sang, “Life is what happens while we’re busy making other plans.” I’m going to give myself some grace. The whole point of having a Will list is that it bumps Wants and Wishes. C’est la vie.

There is power to organizing and writing down (in other words, giving a name to) what we want. It’s important to be specific. Sometimes, we ask for the wrong thing without realizing it. There’s power to accountability, affirmations, and capturing our triggers. Affirmations and triggers are two new items I’m adding to my coaching exercises.

In addition to reviewing the Wish/Want/Will list regularly, I’m writing, almost daily, a set of affirmations in the present tense that are very specific. I write about how I feel (“I have great mobility—I can bound and gambol”); how I look (“I am lithe, lean, and light”); and how successful Madrina Molly is (“I have 5,000 members and 1,000 modelers.”)

You can laugh at me; it’s OK. But I write those messages to myself and look at them all the time. And they send powerful messages to my subconscious self. They tell me that I believe I can do these things. If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me, right?

I also have started to write down my triggers. Since I’m not shy about the fact that I’m an emotional eater, I thought it would be productive to capture how I am feeling when I want to binge. Sure enough, it’s highly illuminating:

• When I can’t get started writing, I want to eat.

• When I am grieving a loss, I lose my appetite.

• When I am distracted from writing by business or an obligation, I want to eat.

• When I have written for a few hours, I am not really hungry.

And so it goes, like clockwork.

But my unhealthy relationship with food is not as interesting as what happens when I respond to myself in writing.

“If you eat something, will you start writing? No. Then how about you write and then you can eat?”

“You are sad. You haven’t eaten. What happens if you honor that feeling? Will it come back to bite you later? Yes? No?”

“I’m furious that I set aside time to write today, and these other three things got in the way. Not only do I want to eat; I want to eat junk. How will you feel after you eat the junk? And will it help you get anything written?” (The answer, by the way, is sometimes yes and sometimes no.)

“Woo-hoo! Four thousand words in one sitting. Sweet! I feel like I want to cook something good for me, and I will.”

Understanding—and writing down—my triggers provides a lot of control when I most need it.

You may ask, “What does any of this have to do with financial planning?” Well, for me, not so much. While my relationship with food is emotional, my relationship with money is healthy. I am good with money. I do not engage in retail therapy. I do not buy things I do not need. I even probably should refresh my wardrobe more often than I do!

Money does not have power over me the way it does over some people. The way I behave around money works for me and my family. But does money have emotional power over you? And should you explore how you can manage what happens when it triggers you?

There are people who grew up in poverty and are no longer impoverished. They may even be the wealthiest members of their families. But some of their decisions around money are still based on scarcity and the feeling of not having enough. I find, among my clients, those were the people most likely to engage with money in an unhealthy fashion, not realizing that wealth and the trappings of wealth are different.

There are people who are driven to outdo their neighbors; not just “keeping up with the Joneses,” but having more than the Joneses. I’ve observed that those people are yanked around by their needs—maybe lack of self-esteem or lack of self-confidence.

If you are someone who is triggered emotionally to spend or hoard money, consider writing down what made you feel triggered. Then write down whether or not you need to act on it. I’m not implying that you shouldn’t act on it. I’m implying that feeling in control of your decisions is healthier than not feeling in control and will lead to less shame and fewer regrets around money.

The Wish/Want/Will Workbook is available on Amazon for anyone who wants to do the exercise. I really recommend doing it at least once. If nothing else, it will be eye opening to see if you can get your Wishlist to 100 items.

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Copyright Madrina Molly, LLC 2025

The information contained herein and shared by Madrina Molly™ constitutes financial education and not investment or financial advice.

Sherry Finkel Murphy, CFP®, RICP®, ChFC®, is the Founder and CEO of Madrina Molly, LLC.